A couple weeks ago I broke one of my personal rules in that I told you some of the struggles in my personal life. Today I am going to break another personal rule: I am going to tell you how to do something. I hate the question how, as it is probably the most useless question there is. The questions "what" and "why" are so much more vital to understanding and life. Those are the questions that help us distinguish between the black and white through the gray. Those are the questions that lead us to discovering the principles for living life. "How" only deals with practically applying principles into our daily lives. With that is important, too often people try answering the "how" question before answering the "what" and "why". An example of this is the Jews of Jesus day. They answered the "how" of the Sabbath quite thoroughly with some 39 general prohibitions for the Sabbath. Yet, as Jesus repeatedly pointed out, they never bothered with "what is the Sabbath?" and "why is the Sabbath here?" Had they delved into these issues, they probably would have discovered the beauty of the Sabbath and made it a joy, instead of a burden. Alas, they did not.
Another reason that I disdain the "how" question is that how a principle is applied varies greatly from person to person. Principles are universal; applications are not. Of course I answer the "how" question in my life all the time; I must if I am going to grow as a person or even function as a person. But how I apply one principle or another will probably vary from how you apply the principle. Neither is necessarily wrong nor even better. Different strokes for different folks, as they say. This is something that is important to remember as a watchman: be careful to distinguish between principle and application. Alas, the only advice I can give you on accomplishing that task is to study and internalize the principle, ask questions, and pray for the Holy Spirit to give you discernment. Easier said than done, I assure you. The point is that I cannot easily tell you how to apply these black and white principles because you are different than me.
But today is different; I am going to tell you how to be a watchman, at least as I understand it. These are more principles than a checklist of things to do, but very practical, at least according to my experience. Understand this one point very clearly though: being a watchman will not endear you to people. Most people will get irritated, annoyed, or even angry because people do not like being told that they and their actions are wrong. Being a Christian, which I would equate with being a watchmen, will not win you any popularity contests. The ancient Israelites killed their watchmen (the prophets). The 1st New Testament watchman was killed by a woman who could not stand being called out (John the Baptist). The Jews crucified the ultimate watchman (Jesus). They then began to relentlessly persecute that watchman's followers (the apostles, all but one of whom met an unsavory end). Throughout history, watchmen have been derided, persecuted, and murdered (see Foxe's Book of Martyrs). We are not here to be liked; we are here to change the world and the world does not like change. This is simply the way it is; if you cannot handle it, then you may need to seriously reconsider your loyalties and your faith.
So for those who are up to the challenge, here are the principles of being a proper watchman. The first and most important thing about being a watchman is relationship. In order for people to listen to you, you need to have a good relationship with them. You need to know and accept them for who they are for two reasons: first, if you know them well, then you will be better able to discern between whether they are applying the same principle differently than you or if they are simply disregarding the principle entirely. Secondly, and more importantly, if you have a good relationship with someone, they are much more likely to listen to you because they know that you care. This is probably the most crucial aspect of being a watchman: making sure that people know that you care. As my wise mother is fond of saying, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." I have no idea if she came up with that or not, but here she gets credit for it. Of course you must actually
care about said person. If you do not, then you are not the right person to be their watchman for you will have no chance at a positive effect.
How you confront someone is also greatly important. Here the principles that Jesus laid forth in Matthew 18:15-20 are quite useful (the man was rather intelligent). Unless absolutely necessary, never call people out in public. If you are unsure, do not. Very few, if any, will respond positively to being called out and humiliated in front of their peers. While there are times for this, public confrontation is as a general rule unadvisable. When you do confront someone privately, make sure that they know you are doing this because you care about them, not because you are interested in being right. If you were offended, let them know by discussing your feelings, not their actions. This puts you in the defensive position, not them. Above all, speak the truth in love, as Paul says (Ephesians 4:15). You do this by being gentle, though there are times for a harsh rebuke, and above all communicating that you are concerned about them, not about getting your way.
Next, you must listen. As someone, probably several someones whose names escape me at the moment, have said, "God gave us two ears and one mouth. Therefore we should to twice the listening as we do the talking." Some of us have a harder time with that than others. Hence I have a blog where I can "talk" merrily way to my heart's content and somebody is probably going to hear. However, when being a watchman ironically requires that you do more listening than talking. After presenting your concern, let the other person talk. Often they know that what they are doing is out of line, but are hurting inside for some reason or another and need someone to talk it out with. Other times they are confused about something and have questions that need answers. Be the listening ear that need; that alone is often enough to turn people around. Look at Jesus: he listened to people's pain and answered their questions. He was, as a general rule, a rather quiet individual who did more listening than talking. The only times he was loud was with the Jewish leaders who needed it. Even then, he still listened. Part of listening is asking questions. This puts both of you on the same page and also makes the other person feel heard. Being heard is probably one of the most powerful things for a person to experience because it makes them feel valued and cared for. One other thing that is important about listening is that you give the other person a chance to explain. It very well may be that they are simply applying the same principle in a different way. That is okay and now you know that they are on the straight and narrow still. Even if you are wrong, taking the time to check up on someone still builds up that relationship because you are demonstrating that you genuinely care about them. The vast majority of people will appreciate and respect that.
Finally, let them go. After you have talked, you let them go. Either they will listen or they will not, but ultimately it is their choice and there is really nothing more we can do. A watchman cannot truly force someone inside the walls, a fact that is all the more true in the Kingdom of Heaven. The only person's fate we control is our own. If we have warned, then we have done the best we can. We have to accept people's right to choose their own path. This does not mean that we stop loving or caring about them; but it does mean that we do not force them. It also means that we do not blame ourselves for their choices. This is the hardest thing for a watchman to accept: non-responsibility. All we can do is warn and nothing more. It is a big and frightening task, but it is ours nonetheless. Some will listen, most will probably not, but that does not change our mission. We are the watchmen.
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